When I was a nipper…

When I was a nipper I used to climb onto the roof of my dad’s escort van and jump the ditch that ran along the single lane dirt track road than ran parallel with our row of houses. I thought I was brave as the ditch was filled with high stinging nettles; thick with stinging nettles, ones taller than my little self. I used to do this in just my red pants, just like Tarzan would wear. I also used to scream the Tarzan scream, the one he used to scream when he swung though the trees. One day I fucked up, misjudged the jump from the roof of my dad’s van and jumped into the ditch filled with stinging nettles just in my pants and stung myself to bits, screaming, trying to crawl out, pain everywhere.

I did go back to the roof of the van but the buzz had gone, the fall had ruined it for me. I had let the one set back put me off, I had stopped believing the fantasy and the jumping wasn’t fun anymore. The thing is now I look back and think If I hadn’t stopped believing, if I had searched newer and higher places to jump from I wouldn’t be just sitting here typing this. I’d be in some jungle somewhere swinging through some trees, I’d be the bonafide fucking Tarzan.

This week the gym’s timetable looks a little like this…



6am to 9pm Open Gym & PT



6am to 7:30pm Open Gym & PT

7:30pm to 8:30pm CrossFit



6am to 9pm Open Gym & PT



6am to 7:30pm Open Gym & PT

7:30pm to 8:30pm CrossFit Start



6am to 5:30pm Open Gym & PT

5:30pm to 6:30pm TFI Friday Hero’s



7am to 4pm Open Gym & PT



8:45am to 10am Vinyasa Flow Yoga

10:15am to 11:30pm Sunday Strongman



Paul Elliott-Smith
The White Noise Gym
The first real gym in Staines.