Traps for Father Christmas

Many years ago when I was an innocent child and I yearned for Father Christmas to fall into one of the traps I set for him around the house on Christmas Eve, I was also an avid letter writer and Argos catalogue peruser. I would find the toys I desired in ‘The Argos’, cut them out carefully and stick them onto paper with a written description next to them. This colourful list I would then send to the happy, white haired old gentleman who could be found routinely in children’s bedrooms giving them presents. No, not Jimmy Saville, the Coke-a-Cola swigging Saint Nick of course, ho, ho, ho…. Christmas is a coming 🙂

Times have indeed changed and this year, I have no list and I no longer believe in Jimmy Saville. But most importantly I have not been shown christmas lists from my children but instead I have had the pleasure of the christmas power point presentation. Page after page of stunning graphics and sweeping images. I am under no illusion of what my children want and require this Xmas…. less free time. Some of those presentations were so long I needed a tub of popcorn and a toilet break.
Anyway, let us get on with the final updates for 2013.…

Women’s WOD 10am Thursday 12th December £5

CrossTraining so unbelievable it may curl your toes just thinking about how amazing it really is.

Olympic Weight Lifting with Sam Balchin 7:30pm Thursday 12th December £10

An Olympic Lifting session so staggering and beautiful it may have you quivering on the floor gasping for more when it’s over.

Thank Fuck It’s Friday 5pm 13th December £5

This Friday Paul is at the panto; no, not taking part as the Widow Twanky (although Paul is a very good actor suitable for all stage or film work) rather watching from the audience. So, we have a CrossTraining session delivered by Mark Haley so shockingly smashing that it is guaranteed to probably sweep you off your feet like a romantic breeze on a warm summers evening in Kings Lynn.

Strongman Sunday 10am 15th December £5

A strongman session so spiffingly stupendous it would almost be guaranteed to have you yodelling on the hillocks in an alpine village if there were such a thing in your immediate vicinity.

Women’s WOD 10am Monday 16th December £5

A session designed for women by a man; because as you would know by now if you’re a woman above the age of 21, us men (and I use the work collectively) have worked you out and know exactly how you tick and what you desire. Truly, a fitness session so great I should be using a larger font to express my excitement!

Olympic Weight Lifting with Sam Balchin 6:30pm £10

At a slightly earlier time of 6:30pm the final olympic lifting session of the year promises to be one to remember as we push our PB’s into outer space under Sam’s watchful gaze.

Thank Fuck It’s Friday 5pm 20th December £5

By now and hopefully on a mind bending withdrawal from prescription painkillers Paleo Training Bible’s Paul with be making your final Friday’s training Hell on Earth in such a nice way it will be like opening the batteries to your electrical Xmas gift as an extra present on Christmas day. Oh the f*cking joy xxx

Strongman Sunday 10am 22nd December £5

The finale of 2013. Let there be fireworks, big ones, with bells on. Jingle BOOOOM.
Regards
Paul Elliott-Smith
CrossFit Kids Trainer
CrossFit Level 1 Trainer
CrossFit Strongman Trainer
Advanced LVL3 Personal Trainer