This Email is Very Unpleasant.

WARNING – This email is very unpleasant. Delete it NOW if you would like to stay positive 🙁

Open up your advent calendars guys and dolls it’s the 1st December. If you’re wealthy you’ll have a chocolate behind every door, if you’re poor you just have festive pictures; but that’s okay. If you’re a fucking adult hopefully you won’t have an advent calendar at all. It’s just for kids, so just do us all a favour and grow up this year, you great big foolish baby.

Let us continue with the festive cheer…

Strongman Sunday 1st December 10am £5

This session is going to be on the barbells. We’ll be going heavy and working out our 1RM on three lifts. Hard & heavy is the name of the game, but it’s not really a game.

Strongwoman Monday 2nd December 10am £5

CrossTraining straight from the CrossFit WOD library. Men can come but must be disguised in at least a padded bra and wig. We’ll make it more interesting and stipulate that if they are discovered a severe festive beating will be dished out, with bells on. Ho, ho, ho.

Hill Sprint Tuesday 3rd December 10am £FREE

This session in XC in the cold and mud. Usually we train in a moody silence apart from when we’re laughing at the person who is crawling up the hill last as we’re all staring down at them from the top of the hill looking very strong and fit. New comers are welcome, the more newbies that come the merrier we are… when we’re at the top looking down on you.

CrossTraining Wednesday 4th December 6pm £POA (I think it’s FREE)

CrossTraining at the newly refurbished FW Urban Gym in Bracknell. Expect the unexpected.

Strongwoman Thursday 5th December £5

We’re going for more CrossTraining of a CrossFit WOD nature. Hopefully those guys in drag will try to get in again. I dare you.

Olympic Lifting Thursday 5th December 7:30pm £10

Snatches, Jerking, Cleaning. I do not wish to elaborate.

TFI Friday 6th December £5

CrossFit Hero WOD to give you DOMS for you Xmas shopping trip.

Sunday Strongman Part 1 on the 8th December Chertsey 10am £5

Something harder than last week. If it’s not harder you’re not getting stronger so stop complaining every week, before you’re getting stronger.

Sunday Strongman Part 2 on the 8th December Bracknell 12pm £POA (I think it’s FREE)

Something so hard it will make me cry when I’m delivering the session. You poor bastards. I will be crying with happiness watching you suffer I hasten to add. Ho, ho, ho
I have nothing more I want to tell you.
Goodbye.