!!! Overview of English Football & Other Updates !!!

Firstly before we start can I just thank the England Football Team for delivering a once in a lifetimes performance last night. It really was spellbinding. I could liken it to a spell that hopefully burn out my retinas and render me deaf and dumb so I didn’t have to watch another two halves of that utter crap for as long as we both shall live.

I’ve been married, by birth, to a football team who constantly fail to deliver on every level and who’s players combined yearly salary could save Sudan. Why people? Why do you watch football? I’m sorry to break you the bad news but, it’s utter nonsense. I dislike football as you might of gathered but I have watched two halves of the world cup. The first half of their (our?!) first game and the second half of the game just gone.

First game I fell asleep it was so exciting and yesterdays game I wished that I was asleep. Well done Rooney for your first goal, you fucking over paid potato and well done for the totally despondent interviews afterwards. The realisation that a nation had wasted a total of £1 each on on English flags we’d now have to keep flying proudly on our wing mirrors for the duration of the tournament weighing heavy of everyones shoulders.

On another note I’ve opened a new gym in Staines. You can decide if you win or lose by how many times you turn up. It really is the bollocks, honestly. Come down and train, this week I’m going to send you some fantastic offers to help you do that.



Paul Elliott-Smith
The White Noise Gym

The first real gym in Staines.