Gym is haunted…

A look back at this week… Well done everybody for an epic week of fitness at the White Noise Gym in Staines. White Noise CrossFit Staines membership rapidly grows in numbers. I did a five day vegetable & fruit juice detox (yes folks no solid food for five days) which almost had me crying not once, but twice. Personal Training is bursting at the seams, but I’m going too throw you a curveball… I think the gym is haunted…. …. but I won’t go into right it now. Let us ponder the week ahead Monday 6am to 9pm Gym Open for PT and general gym adventures   Tuesday 6am to 9pm Gym Open for PT and general gym misadventures 10am WOW CrossFit – Women Only 7:30pm CrossFit NEW SESSION 8:30pm CrossFit Start   Wednesday 6am to 9pm Gym Open for PT and general gym shenanigans   Thursday 6am to 9pm Gym Open for PT and general gym entertainments 10am WOW CrossFit – Women Only 7:30pm CrossFit Start 8:30pm Olympic Weight Lifting   Friday 6am to last entry at 7pm Gym Open for PT and general gym escapades 5:30pm TFI Friday CrossFit   Saturday 6am to last entry at 4pm Gym Open for PT and general gym adventures   Sunday 8:45am Vinyasa Flow Yoga 10:15am Strongman Sunday   DEALS FREE CrossFit for one month FREE Personal Training   Regards Paul Elliott-Smith The White Noise Gym The first real gym in...

Smiling new faces

Well done for last week you supreme beauties, This weeks highlights have been… Smiling new faces in the gym Amazing MetCon efforts New strength PB’s Epic sweat angles (including one where the bum cheek print looked like a massive bell-end and the persons body print looked like a fat shaft. It actually looked like a giant with dwarfism has squashed his sweaty dumpy cock onto the rubber mats. I would of taken a picture but in the heat the mystical phaullus quickly vaporised and we all unknowingly breathed it in) Severe unadulterated swearing With the five highlights above setting the tone I’ll move on to this weeks interesting titbits…. Online Booking Please try to book in online to secure you places on this weeks sessions. FREE Personal Training 1:1 Buy five sessions for £150 and get another five absolutely FREE FREE Personal Training 2:1 If you don’t fancy doing 1:1 PT then why don’t you book with a friend. I’m offering ten sessions for £200 if you book with a friend, that’s only £100 each. WTF?! FREE Group Sessions for one month. If you want to start group sessions but not sure when you’re actually going to do it. Start now and get the first month of sessions absolutely FREE of all charges. All CrossFit, Olympic Lifting & Strongman sessions are included. Monthly Gym Membership from £30 Cheap to join Best selection of free weight kit in the area Deals for PT’s to use the facility to train clients Cheapest CrossFit sessions in the area Best coaches in the area FREE bottled mineral water Team Spartan 5k Obstacal Race...

Cheese…

Let us examine the evidence. Cheese. Now before we get into that age old argument about cheese and come to blows over it like I have so many times before, I am going to make such a resounding wall of defence or attack (look on it how you will) against cheese that it may well have you getting up (after reading this email) barging past your cheese defending spouse and throwing your own block cheese into the bin. What is cheese? It’s full of flavour, nutty, mild yet strong milk proteins. Hard or soft, yummy…. No, no, no. It happened like this, picture it…. Man 6000 years ago, two men hiding in a shrub carefully contemplating their next move on the savanna, close to starvation… “I’m starving, I’ve eaten berries and rabbit today and eaten half a giant coconut, what else is there to eat” “There is just that, berries and rabbit and giant coconuts” “There’s not, there’s also that white stuff that comes out of the cows tits” “Yes there is the white stuff from the cows tits but I hate drinking from the cows tits… And I hate drinking from goats tits as well” “Tits are for babies” “Yeah….” “Last time we drank from the animal tits we did feel full” “Yeah, and it was a laugh, it made me feel high but did give me the shits the next day” “FFS, okay lets do it; it is Friday night” “I almost died from an angry cow attack last time though…” “I know we’ll have to be careful, no more suckling like a calf…too risky” “Why don’t...

11072014 WOD

A) 5 minute AMRAP Back squats @ 60% of your 1RM B) 2 RFT Partner WOD 400m Row/Bike/Ski rolling 10 Burpees 20 Push Ups 30 Burpees 40 Box Jumps 30″ 50 Burpees

Greetings you sexy beast…

Greetings you sexy beast, There’s been so much happening at the gym in the last few weeks I’ve hardly had time to put finger tip to keyboard to tell you all about it… But here I am, doing just that right now whilst being bugged by a child who’s pretending to be Slender Man, breathing in the neighbours bonfire that all seems to be plumbing directly from there smouldering mound of fuck knows what and defying the laws of physics to somehow be completely sucked into my open patio doors. None of the smoke is going into the atmosphere; how is this possible? And to top it off the dog wants me to play with his football, closely staring at me, letting me know he’s there frequently by dropping rancid dog smells, yes boy I smell you. I smell you so loud and so clear. Now aside from the distractions I still have put together this luscious round up for you.. But firstly let us ponder a while on the below statements from two different visitors to the gym before we get going… “This is the best CrossFit gym I’ve ever been to. No other CrossFit Box around here has got gear like this”  “I keep looking around and seeing new things, this is amazing; there is so much gym equipment in here.”   Letting that set the tone I now drop the discount bombshells that I’ve been keeping secret all weekend…   Monthly Gym Membership   6am to 9pm access to the best equipped gym for real training in the area starts at £30pcm. Yes, £30 that not a typo (but...